Why It sucks to be 26 and single

On friday I turned 27, TWENTY.....SEVEN. A whole 27

And I think I'm still struggling to deal with the idea that I'm actually an adult...and the fact that I've been single for a whole damn year *insert side eye*

Thats right SINGLE FOR A YEAR...which to most may not seem like a big deal but when you get into adulthood and you're too old to be irresponsible and thoting around, but too young to feel like you need to have a husband and a kid hanging from your boob.

Being 26 and single for a year SUCKS.

 and I'm here to tell you why.

1) YOU'RE 26 AND SINGLE 

Let's let that sink in for a second...I think that should be enough for number one. You have no boo, no man, no one cuddling up with you at night, no one on call for the booty, no one who's invested in your feelings, no one to come home to...you're...single and after about 2 or 3 months you start to realize just how important having ALL...or even just one of those things is to you.

2) ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS

No literally all of them...COUPLES ARE EVERYWHERE!

Look around at your immediate circle there might be one other single girl and until like two days ago when you got broken up with you felt bad for her.

Time to start feeling bad for yourself too huh? 

This also essentially means that you have pretty much no one to hang out with because what do couples do? Couples go out with other couples, couples talk about other couple shit...you no longer fit in or have anything to talk about. No more invites on couples trips, dinners, hell you can't even hang out at your friends house because her boyfriend is always there which means...yup,  you're the third wheel.

3) LEARNING HOW TO DATE AGAIN

Let's pretend that you didn't just spend the last three years of your adult life in a relationship with someone that you thought you were going to marry...and now you are single. Which means you have to throw yourself back into the shark tank and start dating again. Of course thats only IF you really want that husband-and-wife dream future you talk about (that personally you're no longer even sure if its worth it anymore). So while everyone else is busy with their other half planning weekend to do list and figuring out what they need from the farmers market. You're trying to figure out how to be someones cinnamon apple...their bae...their *side eye* trap queen.

And of course the dating rules have absolutely changed and you have no clue what you doing..

4) FACEBOOK IS A CONSTANT REMINDER THAT YOUR FAILING AT LIFE

 While everybody on your Facebook friends list is busy getting engaged, having babies and buying homes you're trying to figure out how to fit all your shit into a studio apartment and decide where exactly you plan on hiding the 100's of cats you'll undoubtably adopt. 

Its like your friend list is purposely out doing you at life and trying to make you feel like shit on a daily basis. Not only do you know longer have a plus one for allllll their weddin-...Oh look Jessica got engaged *turns off notifications*

5) THE "I HAVE A FRIEND FOR YOU"

You have suddenly become a dating charity case. All of your friends who are in a relationship or married suddenly try to hook you up with everyone they know thats single, which at this point is slim pickins. 

You get hooked up with the weirdos, the people with commitment issues, the nerds that aren't the cool type of nerds and anything else that was at the bottom of the dating pool barrel which starts to make you feel like "well shit am I at the bottom of the barrel"

NO WERE NOT!! WERE FLY AS FUCK AND THATS WHY WERE STILL SINGLE....BECAUSE  WE COULDNT FIND ANYONE TO MATCH OUR FLY...RIGHT?!?!....were fly right?

5.5) ALL THE GOOD MEN ARE TAKEN

And just when you think you found a good one...tall, dark, handsome and married him in your mind. You find out...yup...hes gay and yet you still consider dating him or at least bringing him on as a best friend.

6) DATING YOUNGER 

Since most of the people in your age bracket are either engaged or married, you're going to have to get used to the idea of dating somebody younger than you or taking a vow of celibacy...at this point the latter sounds more appealing.

Because honestly the only thing more un attractive than an almost 30 year old woman hanging out with her 20 year old boyfriend at his colleges frat party is the permanent beer smell that is stuck in your hair a week later and how he still thinks its cool to have sex on his top bunk while his roommate is sleep.

...im not drunk enough for this

Say goodbye to your dreams of buying a house with this dude, he doesn't event understand what equity is yet.

7) YOU HAVE TO START OVER

Just when you thought you had it all figured out...NO! Stop! Do not pass go do not collect $200.00

THIS IS THE MOST ANNOYING SHIT EVER!

Your life...or the one that you had planned to a T with this person is now no longer existent and YOU....have to start over from the beginning it's like a shitty version of back to the future except u never make it back to the future u just go back to where u were however many years ago and all that time feels wasted....Just wasted  -___-

8) YOU'RE THE GOOD LUCK CHARM

Your a good luck Chuck literally EVERY person that you have dated...after they break up with you or you break up with them, they find their true love, get married and have children *sigh* maybe this is your lot in life.

9) ITS NOT YOU...REALLY

The fact that you're single at this age often times doesn't have anything to do with your lack of suitors but more so your pile of failed long term relationships...smh if only you would have listened to your mother right?

It seems like you pick the wrong men...and by wrong men I mean cheaters, emotionally unstable, emotionally unavailable, commitment phobes and Peter Pan syndrome. You just wish that there was that one time that you actually picked the right one but no...now all those you let pass by are the ones that are married...You go Glen Coco *side eye*

10) IT DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN LIKE IT DOES IN THE MOVIES

Movies always seem to show single girls getting into relationships super easy. Its like there are always guys banging down their door trying to talk to them. When in all actuality that's not the case...at all! There's no guy who's been crushing on you since high school, there's no prince charming at the club to give you your Save The Last Dance moment and you're not randomly going to bump into this amazing guy while carrying groceries and knock them all over, only to fall in love when your eyes meet as he helps you to pick them up.

Lets be honest there are just no guys...ANYWHERE!

11) GOING OUT ON DATES 

Since you don't actually want to be alone for the rest of your life you have to start going out on dates again. Which one means free food but on the flip side you're forced into awkward situations with people that you probably really don't like and you won't want to be there past the first five minuets but you're too nice to just get up and leave in the middle of dinner. Soooo you sit there and listen to stories about how he lives at home, his new mix tape, his love for his mom and how his cat just got surgery...wait...why does he have a cat just count down the minutes until the waiter asks do you want dessert.

NO DESERT! CHECK PLEASE!

12) THE "YES WE BROKE UP" CONVERSATION

Being in a long-term relationship gives everyone else expectations of the rest of your life...normally they're the same expectations that you have for the rest of your life. But sometimes when those things go awry and you're not able to snatch down the "in a relationship with" before they officially do the deed on Facebook you have to have the "yes we broke up" conversation

Not once, not twice, not three times got dammit but what seems like 1 million times in your comments, your inbox and of course on instagram when you try to abracadabra all your cute kissy pictures away...yes we broke up...that's it...it's just over...

13) FIGURING OUT HOW TO BE SINGLE AGAIN 

After breakups a lot of people want to spend this time reevaluating their life and discovering who they are again. But SORRY, nope...I'm good. I've known who I was for a while and if I wanted to discover who I was again with single me I would've been single...but no I was in a relationship because that's what I wanted so fuck that shit..

14) THE "WHY ARE YOU SINGLE" QUESTION

Seriously bruh?

15) YOU'RE STUCK

You're too old for pointless random hookups like you did in college or spending the night at somebody's house you have no interest in but yet you're too young to go give up completely cut your losses and go to the sperm bank.......

Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on myself right? 26/27 is "still young" right? But when its not what you want....and you see NOTHING coming over the horizon....things feel pretty bleak, especially when you feel ready to move forward or thought you were on the marriage track with the last silly guy that decided to walk away.

Friend: "Dont worry they will see the mistake they made by leaving you"

You: *shrugs* maybe

But for now...

Exactly what does one do when their single and 26? I still don't know but with my 27th birthday here at least I don't have to worry about it anymore and hopefully this time next year I won't be writing why it sucked to be 27 and single.

Bae...is that you playa? Comin across the Himalayas 

Until Next Time,

XO Deanna