Nap Trapped and 4 Other Times I "Hate" Being A Mom

It's hard to believe right?

That there are points where a mother could actually "hate" being a mom. I put hate in quotes only because I don't really ever hate being a mom, I love my kid. But there are very many points where I STRONGLY DISLIKE having the responsibility of being a mother.

However if we let movies and the media (social or otherwise) tell it disliking mommyhood NEVER happens! All moms are perfectly well adjusted, happily living your ideal momming goals day in and day out. Hair perfect, outfit perfect, child perfect. 

And if your shit ain't perfect like that image or you dislike anything about being a mom. Well, you're just not doing it right and maybe you're a bad mom *insert mom shaming and guilt here*. But none of that is true, if you have moments of distress, depression or moments where you question "how is this my kid" or even "hate" being a mom. 

YOU ARE NORMAL!

And in the name of transparency i'm here to share my top 5 times when I "hate" being a mom.

5 TIMES I "HATE" BEING A MOM

1) Nap Trapped

Somehow...in the past three months, thanks to someone who shall remain nameless *side eye* Baby Bean has become one of those babies that "can't be put down".  Especially when it comes to naps, which unfortunately means once you start rocking her to sleep you're nap trapped.

Aka...YOU AIN'T GOIN NOWHERE BIH! 

Oh and Bean is serious with it too she will actually grab the collar of your shirt while you are putting her to sleep, so when you go to put her down, you have to open her hand and she wakes up -___-.

If you pair this with the fact that she is still a non walking or crawling baby that can't freely support her neck, you're basically stuck holding a baby all day.

There were days when the only time Bean would be out of your arms was if she was on her playmat and that only lasted all of 15 mins before she was PISSED.  At the start of her Baby Bean life she hated the mamaRoo, the Snoo, or anything that moved and wasn't arms. 

Ever wonder why there have not been blog post? This is it...it was a hard first 2+ months.

2) Not Being Able To Move The Same

It's a blessing my baby was born in the winter so by time summer hits and mama wants's to go to a day party or two or maybe a brunch in DC she will be old enough to have someone watch her and I wont be uber paranoid. 

However just in these last few months it's been a hard hit of reality when I can't just get up and go...anywhere. The shortest Target run turns into a 3+ hour experience-- we have to plan what time to go, she has to be fed and burped and dressed so that when we get in the car she will nap (1hour+). Then we get to Target and shop but if she gets fussy we have to stop and deal with it, god forbid she needs to be changed in a public bathroom. Then we have to load her and all the things into the car and go home *blinks* 

Amazon prime and never leaving my house seems like more of a move everyday =D

3) When She's Crying

These moms can sit out here and lie to you if they want..but I wont.

Baby cries are annoying AF. I have ALWAYS thought they were annoying AF. I knew before I had a kid that when my kid cries it will be annoying AF...and look at that, here we are -__-

LOL

Honestly the only time a baby crying is NOT annoying is when they are brand new out the cooch. There is like a 2-3 week grace period where the baby has not yet found "its voice" and the cry is a little cute (buyer beware this is not true for all babies, some of them come out knowing how to REAL cry). But generally speaking cries are the devil and I hate them. 

I always have to rationalize and remind myself of two things. 1) This is literally the only way she knows how to communicate, if she was older she would have words. But she isn't and she doesn't so try not to get to bent out of shape. 2) ONE DAY SHE WILL KNOW WORDS and everything won't be a cry.

4) When She's Not Crying

I know y'all are like...wait didn't you just say you hate when she's crying?  How can it be both!? Simple. 

I. Have. Anxiety. 

Pretty bad at times actually and it spiraled out of control when we first came home with her. So much so that it turned into postpartum anxiety + depression for a bit, but there will be another blog about that later.

Anywho, because of my anxiety...as much as I love peace and quiet, with her it drives me bat shit crazy. Quiet to me, means something is wrong just as much as it would to another parent when the child cries. My mind starts thinking the worst when she's in her Snoo sleeping, not moving and swaddled so I can barely see her chest move.  Or when I need to step out of the room during her nap my mind immediately goes to "well what if I leave and she starts choking". Thats one of the biggest reasons I decided to work with Owlet, having their monitor on her while she sleeps so I can take a glance and track her heart rate and oxygen levels gives me the best peace of mind to go about my day. It also works when im not at home and she's napping with Papa Bean. 

My mind is a horrible place of worry sometimes--so its a HUGE help.

5) Baby Headbutts

Have you ever been minding your business, unsuspectingly holding quite possibly the cutest baby on the planet, then out of nowhere...WACK!

A baby head comes flying at your jaw at 100 miles per hour!?

This is a reality for me every...damn...day. I feel like at some point i'm really going to start forming bruises, because her head is heavy as shit. I feel bad too because I know its not actually her fault, shes only 3 months and does not have complete neck control yet. However it's something about getting hit, being in pain then immediately seeing your child laughing or being completely oblivious to the pain she just caused.

9 times out of 10 when this happens I pass her off to Papa Bean. 

BONUS

6) Diaper Blowouts

Poopie diapers, fine. Peeing LITERALLY as soon as i'm putting on a fresh diaper to feed her, sure (confession, sometimes I just close it until I finish feeding her). Even getting peed on after I take her out the bath I can deal with.

But blowouts...BAYYYYBEEEE NOOOO!

I can't, throw the whole baby away *cries*. It's up her back, in her cooch, i've had one where it went so far up it was touching her hair (this was after being in a car seat). It's too much, sometimes I just sit and think to myself...what would Jesus do. Cuz somehow i'm sure he wouldn't be sitting there dealing with that shit (pun intended)

It's ok though, because we ALL have these moments and that does not mean we love our kids any less. The best thing we can do is be honest about them, let other mothers know it's ok to feel this way and prepare expecting and new mothers for the road ahead.

In the comments below I challenge you to be real about 1 time you hate being a mom and 1 time you love it and if you cant do that, leave a tip or word of encouragement for a new mom.

Until Next Time,

XO Deanna